In the Midst of Work

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His Epitaph

If I ever see him again,
I will do everything to say
"I'm sorry".

Nevermind "I Love You,"
cause he doesn't love me.

If he ever needs to know,
my tears will show
how much I love him.

Too numbed by missing him,
I didn't see him passing on.

Instead my heart beat for his murderer,
whom destroyed everything I have of him.

But I hate him.
I hate him for changing.
Yes, he killed himself.
I love him.
But he's not the one I love anymore.
The person who had so much love for her.

But I doubt I will ever get the chance.
So right here I shall I tell him:

I'm still sorry for loving you.
I know I'm not worthy.
That's why I can't mention your name
even with your death.

I'm sorry I'm so persistent,
that I refused to believe that
you weren't the same anymore.

You were like a beautiful candle flame,
that spread into a hideous wild fire.

Fate's Taunting Game

The sky was overcast
with the gloom of a foreboding rain.

There's a slight grief
that brushed against my heart.

And before I could hear raindrops platter
there were tears flowing from my eyes.

What's wrong?

Nothing's of matter.

Actually,
It is the fact
that there's nothing that matters.

I don't want to blog anymore.
I am sick of repeating it.

My sorrows.

Unable to attain something more.
Stuck here in this bottle.
Living life in this monotonous cycle.

I love what I now own,
but my heart yearn for something more.
It is like having three meals daily,
but all without dessert.
Surely it's not too much
to ask for an occasional treat?

Once I thought
what I wished for is unattainable.
But every wish I make
it was granted to people all around but me.

While I wept alone,
I thought of the girl who ran from us
to cry in solace.

It must be pretty nice to be his damsel in distress.
But wasn't I the one who made the wish?

The One Above Fate decreed
that I should be contented with what I have.
But what do I do when Fate
being a bully
snatches things out of my hands?

Things that I gasped in my hand
vanished without a trace.

And I was just there
when nothing happened.
The next moment,
someone retraced my steps
and got all I wished for.

I don't yearn anymore.
I don't hope anymore.
I'm too scared to dream anymore.

One fantasy is lethal.

For the next second when it happens
in reality,
the girl won't be me.
Too much.
I can't take it anymore.

It's Fate's taunting game.
One that it refuses to stop.
Take things away from me.
Give it to others.
Rub it on my face.

There's no need for answers
or solution.
For the One Above Fate has decreed
that my future will stay bleak as ever.

Before I destroyed Her messenger,
before She refuses to say anymore.

I don't dare to think about you,
my imaginary love.

For I fear the next time
when I finally found you
your heart had been given away.

Love is not all that I wished for.
I wish for my best in everything.
To be a better person,
for you,
for me,
for everyone else who loves me.

Once I was stronger,
I didn't need you.
But that was when life
proved everything that I was worth.

Please, stop this game.

As I lumbered along the road,
I let out a whimper,
a whisper of the screaming in my heart.