A Mystery.

Do you see what's happening?
Everytime I moved on, I always go back to where I'm from.

Everything seemed like fairytale to me.
It can misplaced and forgotten.
But the book that was read to put me to sleep is still there.

And it has became a habit to read it before I can sleep.
It has become an essential, so I can see his face in my dreams.

It's evident.
I'm moving on, but ever so barely toeing the past.
He is like the prince charming in those stories.
He was real, but now he's not.
I can see him far away in my dreams, but never so near in reality.

I assure you, you are free.
But your name and your face is still etched deeply in me.
You can shout theft or burglary.
But I'm still using them for my fantasies.

The word 'You' now is undefined.
Like how perfect should the prince in those tales should be.

"I still hopes for you."
"I missed you so."
"I think about you all the time."

Who or what exactly are you?
Are you a dream, a fantasy or once a reality?
Are you really my dreams came true?
Or I made you to be what you be?

Then why is my pain so real?
If all the sweetness are a facade?
Well, it wouldn't be so bad even just a little of it is as factual as history.
So at least, all these while, I was upset for something real.

Am I really crazy, like what everyone said?
Harping on all these things that only happened in my brain?
Or you actually came to me before, it was just that you left really quick?

Now, all these memories in my mind.
How much of them are true?

I am so frightened.
If you never existed, then...

Present, with Past.

"I'm quite surprised, he could actually remember everything we said."
"He said, 'why not come beside me, so we can take a photo together?'"
"Well, we kissed on the beach."
"He liked me for three years."
"She was in the cinema, when she drank from the wrong cup. The guy said, 'hey, that mine." At the next moment he had his arms around her shoulder."
"Today is our 10 month anniversary."

The stories that I was told.

I want to write something similar in our story too.
But is there even a page two?
By bleak look of things, I doubt it's even possible.

That euphoric forest I saw, is now barren.
But from there, I had learnt that some things in the present doesn't exist without certain things in the past.
Which is why I didn't brave through the pain of severing ties.

So I planted a new seed of memory.
The barren land will flourish again.
Even it will never be the way it looked, but it will be beautiful again.

I left my heart beside the planted seed, exactly where you once touched it long ago.
Love is now stored at the back of my mind.
Like the hopes I had and still have for you.

Making sense.

Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)


If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

Song Tattoo by Jordin Sparks.

Right now it's all about Dancing and Eating. Dancing and Eating.

Eh, so what happened to Dr. Love?

Well, she wouldn't be back for a long time.
While she's gone, others will take over.

Bless you, for having to suffer.
For having to go through the drugery of being Dr. Love.

Loved and Still Loving

We were walking down the road,
in a place that seems to be a collage of real-life Singapore.
I had arms twined around your arm.
And in a moment of bliss,
I dared to bury my face into your chest.
I smelt a faint cologne that I know you will never wear.

You smiled at this little act of atrocity.
And with the strength of the arm that I clung to,
you got me off my feet.
I hugged on tightly,
laughing and marvelling as my toes skimmed the floor.
You were laughing and smiling at me;
just like the way I always wanted you to.

At the end of the road,
reality then set in.
Your hands cupped mine in a hesitant attempt to prise them off your arm.
But that moment of bliss was all I ever wanted.
So with just tinge of sorrow that it's over so soon,
I let go.

There wasn't physical closeness anymore.
But we went further down the road as each other's closest friend.
-----------------------------------------------
Funny what kind of dreams afternoon naps bring.
Haha.
When reality is infused even to your dreams,
you know that your heart has pretty much accepted the facts.

12 days.

1 last day of drowning in sorrow.

4 days to join the vibe of solid reality.
Met new friends.
Revealing the mask that fantasy had painted on an old friend.
Drawing a full circle to what has always been an incomplete saga.

3 days to share around the last of my sorrow and pain.
The people that had been listening,
had the obligation to know.

On D-day,
I've got it all down.
and were closer than ever.

Today, at 4 in the morning,
I told the story in a whole new way.

I had loved.
And am getting ready to love again.

Malt Without Alcohol

That's life for me now.
Leaving a trail of fagrance on my tongue without subjecting me to a drunken mess.

Alcohol were flints of escapism that I gladly dispensed to myself.
I was sinking and rising.
Bobbing up and down like a coconut in unchartered waters.

I used to wake up with my veins laden heavy.
My mind was filled with obsession.
My heart wrenched with grief.
Body hit with a seizure that flipped my insides out.

The damp grainy sand that scratched my cheeks isn't exactly the best feeling.
But a solid shore meant that I finally get a break off my struggles.

The clothes that clinged onto my skin were as heavy as the responsiblities I now carry.
It feels sticky as I basked under the afternoon heat, but it was warmth at the very least.

Looking at the my plight, you may think I'm left with nothing.
I knew I almost died.
But the scars left on my body, they were stories to tell some other day.
You may think now my struggles are now fruitless, so high was my stake, but with the very last chip I have won back my freedom.

And I am moving on.
On everything about love, I am not giving up yet.
Flipping my lucky chip in my hand, I will be on another voyage.
But not yet.
I am feeling fatigue.
Tired out physically, that can be cured with sleep.

In the shade underneath a palm tree, my mind begin to form an intricate blueprint for my next escapade.

Next time, he will be there at the finish line that mark the end of my search.

Two will make a whole.
Many cling onto another for support until they finally found their other half.
While fate made me brave this alone.
Thus I am, and become one of the bravest people he will ever know.

I shall stop searching but bide my time.
Learn to shake my booty, until he come by.
There will be no more gamble, it will be his game.

I will be waiting for him.
Right here.

For a game as we drink non alcoholic malt.