A Novella.

"Hey love.
I can't see your face clearly anymore.
For a while I was so sure you looked like that.
Now you are nothing more than a silhouette in a distance.

"For a while you felt so solid.
You were the door to the life I've always wanted.
You let me in, showed me the wonders of the land beyond where I stood.

"The satisfaction had yet to sink in.
But at the very next moment,I was locked out.
And you weren't there anymore.

"Days later, I found you again.
But you were just a dead piece of log.
Where was the door to the many wonders?

"I clung onto what's left of you--
The hollow carcass.
I begged with all my might.
Every fibre of me was yearning for just one more day of that ultimate sweetness."

***

I had a goal.
But I have lost it.
What's left in the void of my head was this constant buzzing:
"Does he really exist?"
It was almost like a dream.

I went through the similar cycle before.
It's back.
But this time in a different form.
This time it was a butterfly.
Which flitted into my life then went away.

I had once placed my hopes on a caterpillar then, but it refused to change in its cocoon.
Retrieving my hopes back, piece by piece, I thought I could take flight with this butterfly.

It ripped off a part of me instead.
And join its female mate by the side.

At once, I knew my value of being a slimy toad on the lilly pad.
Croaking with sorrow, I ogled at the loving couple with my bulging eyes.
I could just slip my tongue out and pull it back to me.

But it would be ripped into shreds between my teeth.
Then it would finally belong to me.

No.
Not entirely.
Never would it be.
For its heart that stopped beating will still yearn for her.
Even when the then-widowed beauty is joined by another handsome suitor.

But it wouldn't live to feel the heartbreak.
Perhaps at the last fatal crunch of teeth, it could have felt a little grattitude towards me.
And give me some love.

But all that never happened--- now it's fluttering away.

Another butterfly spied the female from behind some petals.
I knew it saw.
And both of us know what forebodes ahead.
Hurt will shot through its heart like an arrow.

Maybe it will take refuge by my side.
It had the choice.

But perhaps it didn't considered that at all.
Maybe for a fleeting moment it did.
With tears blinding my eyes, I couldn't really see.

It might had just spun its head around to take one last look of me.

P.S. Wrote this in a total state of confusion.
Even I don't know what I was trying to say. Haha xP
Thus the title. (Fictional, see?)
Cause some parts are written in delusion.