---------------
繕った
隙間に刺さる
記憶－たち
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She is safe.
The River of Past
is cleansed of
its filth.
The Present
embraced as sunlight,
carassed as breeze,
and healed as rain.
The girl sprawled
across the grass,
wearing only
her bare skin.
Her bloodied
ivory flock was
carelessly strewn upon
her heap of
diassembled armour.
Her fingers
traced the scar
that snaked from
below her navel to
her left bosom.
They touched her lips,
that lingered with
the farewell kiss
from her Fantasy.
She had closed her eyes,
but she is not
in a slumber.
Her senses were
wary of the
eyes that watched
her from the overgrowth.
A war was fought.
But there'll never be peace.
The Dark Army
will find her.
And Evil will prevail
in many other forms.
The child must grow.
But Time is running out.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Words at His Grave
I never thought I would laugh so hard.
And till now when I think of it,
a grin can't help but twist on my lips.
Something still don't change.
A curse is a curse.
When I declare that I'm moving on,
you will pop back into my life
and make me hesistate.
But not this time.
There's no more sorrows.
But I just want to tell you
how long I have dreamt of this day.
You coming to me,
instead of me casting out the net.
Although it seemed
that I had kind of ruined
the perfect revenge plan.
Like a child who
had finally caught a butterfly.
Whom in the urge to
touch its wings,
accidentally let it
fly away.
You made me the fool
once again,
you rascal.
I should had put more thoughts into it.
It's undeniably foolish.
So much pain
that snowballed because of you,
yet such little things you do
make my day.
Still, I have been
dreaming about you
the past few days.
Brother said something yesterday
that reminded me of you.
The subconcious mind still
echoes the impact of our melodrama.
Many things had happened
since I've met you.
But I have braved it through.
Wish me luck
for my future endeavours.
Take good care of yourself.
For god knowswhen
I will (never) be back hereagain.
"Isn't this what we always say, Brother?"
Edit: There's some changes. Fear is a good teacher. Happy Holidays xD
And till now when I think of it,
a grin can't help but twist on my lips.
Something still don't change.
A curse is a curse.
When I declare that I'm moving on,
you will pop back into my life
and make me hesistate.
But not this time.
There's no more sorrows.
But I just want to tell you
how long I have dreamt of this day.
You coming to me,
instead of me casting out the net.
Although it seemed
that I had kind of ruined
the perfect revenge plan.
Like a child who
had finally caught a butterfly.
Whom in the urge to
touch its wings,
accidentally let it
fly away.
You made me the fool
once again,
you rascal.
I should had put more thoughts into it.
It's undeniably foolish.
So much pain
that snowballed because of you,
yet such little things you do
make my day.
dreaming about you
the past few days.
Brother said something yesterday
that reminded me of you.
The subconcious mind still
echoes the impact of our melodrama.
Many things had happened
since I've met you.
But I have braved it through.
Wish me luck
for my future endeavours.
Take good care of yourself.
For god knows
I will (never) be back here
"Isn't this what we always say, Brother?"
Edit: There's some changes. Fear is a good teacher. Happy Holidays xD
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Revelation
Humming a hymn,
the girl sat in the room
huddling her knees,
rocking back and forth.
She is scared.
There's a restless buzzing in the shadows.
Her heart pumped against her rib cage.
So close to the stuffed bunny
pressed against her chest.
The bunny with rip in its heart.
The girl hummed loudier right now.
She rocked back and forth more furiously.
Her face was wet with sweat.
She sunk her teeth into her bottom lips.
There was an excruciating pain on her chest,
where the stuffed bunny is.
Her tune came into a halt,
when she could take it no longer.
The girl toppled over,
her right cheek pressing
against the marble floor.
With widen eyes,
she gasped in horror
at the pool of blood
spreading across the white marble.
The white linen of the doll
had been soaked crimson.
Her chest has split apart,
and she could see her heart beating furiously.
The buzzing from the dark
now become an excited murmur.
She seized in a ball
as her flesh continue to tear apart
all the way to her stomach.
Her jaws snapped open
in a silent scream,
as her entrails
plopped onto the ground
with squeamish squish.
The murmur rose to mutter
then a roaring of chatter.
Her vision blurred---
she couldn't see the footsteps
she heard thundering towards her.
They were people.
Each holding a vessel
that held parts of her secrets and dreams.
At this juncture,
they were crowding around her.
Pointing towards her direction,
deep in discussion.
Her eyeballs rolled in their sockets
as the girl scanned the surrounding for aid.
She laid eyes at her blood stained doll.
So thoughly drenched in blood was it,
even wool within was dripping with it.
The doll seemed to be sniggering.
"Now you are just like me."
Darkness swirled before her eyes,
and the girl finally know the truth
behind her fate.
the girl sat in the room
huddling her knees,
rocking back and forth.
She is scared.
There's a restless buzzing in the shadows.
Her heart pumped against her rib cage.
So close to the stuffed bunny
pressed against her chest.
The bunny with rip in its heart.
The girl hummed loudier right now.
She rocked back and forth more furiously.
Her face was wet with sweat.
She sunk her teeth into her bottom lips.
There was an excruciating pain on her chest,
where the stuffed bunny is.
Her tune came into a halt,
when she could take it no longer.
The girl toppled over,
her right cheek pressing
against the marble floor.
With widen eyes,
she gasped in horror
at the pool of blood
spreading across the white marble.
The white linen of the doll
had been soaked crimson.
Her chest has split apart,
and she could see her heart beating furiously.
The buzzing from the dark
now become an excited murmur.
She seized in a ball
as her flesh continue to tear apart
all the way to her stomach.
Her jaws snapped open
in a silent scream,
as her entrails
plopped onto the ground
with squeamish squish.
The murmur rose to mutter
then a roaring of chatter.
Her vision blurred---
she couldn't see the footsteps
she heard thundering towards her.
They were people.
Each holding a vessel
that held parts of her secrets and dreams.
At this juncture,
they were crowding around her.
Pointing towards her direction,
deep in discussion.
Her eyeballs rolled in their sockets
as the girl scanned the surrounding for aid.
She laid eyes at her blood stained doll.
So thoughly drenched in blood was it,
even wool within was dripping with it.
The doll seemed to be sniggering.
"Now you are just like me."
Darkness swirled before her eyes,
and the girl finally know the truth
behind her fate.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Foes for Friends
There the knight stood,
with the remnant of her armour clinging onto her.
A glorious warrior was she,
now reduced to a disheveled and helpless prey
to Death's slaughter.
Gripping her rifle
that is stained with blood,
she's now no different from the lowly footmen
whose bodies now strewn across the field.
She sneered at her foolishness
as her knees buckled
under the pain of her gaping wounds.
Benovolence had been dispensable.
The weight of her fully loaded weapon
crushed her ego
like a mocking laughter.
Ripping off the metal plates
that clung onto to her,
she willed herself to get back to her feet.
With gritted teeth,
she rose up
and took a aim.
She did not hesistate.
Vengence was in her veins.
She strode towards the battlefield
and stuck a gunpoint at their heads.
Who cares if the rifle is a long range weapon?
Nothing beats a close look
at their cowardly face of defeat.
The warm blood that splashed
on her face
cleansed the murk of her past defeat.
But back in reality,
the fallen warrior is still sprawled
on the ground.
She felt the chill of Death at her temple,
as the enemy cornered her
with a gunpoint on her head.
"Do you have a death wish?"
the Dark Knight asked his hostage.
A bitter smile twisted across her lips.
She might as well end it gloriously.
She closed her eyes.
The gun lifted from her head
as the cold grip of the iron gloved hand
seized around her wrist
and brought her to her knees.
Her eyes fluttered opened in surprise
as Dark Knight made his proposal.
"What would you say if we have a merger?"
His meanacing grin
could hardly be concealed behind his helmet,
as his deathly gaze
burned into her dilated pupils.
The wind howled,
mourning the death of her fallen troops.
But no tears were shed.
The sole survivor lowered her head onto the floor,
in a subdued bow
to her new master.
The victorious roar from the Dark Troops
hardened her heart
as she slumped feebly across the enemy's horseback.
There will be time
for revenge.
Right now,
they are allies.
But only for now.
with the remnant of her armour clinging onto her.
A glorious warrior was she,
now reduced to a disheveled and helpless prey
to Death's slaughter.
Gripping her rifle
that is stained with blood,
she's now no different from the lowly footmen
whose bodies now strewn across the field.
She sneered at her foolishness
as her knees buckled
under the pain of her gaping wounds.
Benovolence had been dispensable.
The weight of her fully loaded weapon
crushed her ego
like a mocking laughter.
Ripping off the metal plates
that clung onto to her,
she willed herself to get back to her feet.
With gritted teeth,
she rose up
and took a aim.
She did not hesistate.
Vengence was in her veins.
She strode towards the battlefield
and stuck a gunpoint at their heads.
Who cares if the rifle is a long range weapon?
Nothing beats a close look
at their cowardly face of defeat.
The warm blood that splashed
on her face
cleansed the murk of her past defeat.
But back in reality,
the fallen warrior is still sprawled
on the ground.
She felt the chill of Death at her temple,
as the enemy cornered her
with a gunpoint on her head.
"Do you have a death wish?"
the Dark Knight asked his hostage.
A bitter smile twisted across her lips.
She might as well end it gloriously.
She closed her eyes.
The gun lifted from her head
as the cold grip of the iron gloved hand
seized around her wrist
and brought her to her knees.
Her eyes fluttered opened in surprise
as Dark Knight made his proposal.
"What would you say if we have a merger?"
His meanacing grin
could hardly be concealed behind his helmet,
as his deathly gaze
burned into her dilated pupils.
The wind howled,
mourning the death of her fallen troops.
But no tears were shed.
The sole survivor lowered her head onto the floor,
in a subdued bow
to her new master.
The victorious roar from the Dark Troops
hardened her heart
as she slumped feebly across the enemy's horseback.
There will be time
for revenge.
Right now,
they are allies.
But only for now.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
In the Midst of Work
work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Finally, a time to blog, to breathe. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work People could tell I'm going insane.work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work So what's my problem? work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work My emotional baggage. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work I can't get rid of it. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Neither can I replace it.work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work I'm screwing work. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work workwork work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work workJust like how its screwing me. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Someone help me. work workwork work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Get rid of this emotional baggage. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Or stop work from screwing me. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work No one suffers as much bad luck as I do. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Give me a break. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work I know I can do this. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work So just stop taunting me, Fate. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work The more you do when I say. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Let's us move on, shall we? work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Don't let me see him anymore. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Don't tell me his name. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work It does matter even the spelling isn't the same. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work I did my work well, so let me show it that way. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work I need to prove my worth, please. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work I want to see change. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work workIt's not fair that only he did. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work He killed himself to be someone new. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work It's silly to pin for someone long dead. work work work work workwork work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work Let me move on, as better person that he never got to know. work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work
Sunday, July 27, 2008
His Epitaph
If I ever see him again,
I will do everything to say
"I'm sorry".
Nevermind "I Love You,"
cause he doesn't love me.
If he ever needs to know,
my tears will show
how much I love him.
Too numbed by missing him,
I didn't see him passing on.
Instead my heart beat for his murderer,
whom destroyed everything I have of him.
But I hate him.
I hate him for changing.
Yes, he killed himself.
I love him.
But he's not the one I love anymore.
The person who had so much love for her.
But I doubt I will ever get the chance.
So right here I shall I tell him:
I'm still sorry for loving you.
I know I'm not worthy.
That's why I can't mention your name
even with your death.
I'm sorry I'm so persistent,
that I refused to believe that
you weren't the same anymore.
You were like a beautiful candle flame,
that spread into a hideous wild fire.
I will do everything to say
"I'm sorry".
Nevermind "I Love You,"
cause he doesn't love me.
If he ever needs to know,
my tears will show
how much I love him.
Too numbed by missing him,
I didn't see him passing on.
Instead my heart beat for his murderer,
whom destroyed everything I have of him.
But I hate him.
I hate him for changing.
Yes, he killed himself.
I love him.
But he's not the one I love anymore.
The person who had so much love for her.
But I doubt I will ever get the chance.
So right here I shall I tell him:
I'm still sorry for loving you.
I know I'm not worthy.
That's why I can't mention your name
even with your death.
I'm sorry I'm so persistent,
that I refused to believe that
you weren't the same anymore.
You were like a beautiful candle flame,
that spread into a hideous wild fire.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Fate's Taunting Game
The sky was overcast
with the gloom of a foreboding rain.
There's a slight grief
that brushed against my heart.
And before I could hear raindrops platter
there were tears flowing from my eyes.
What's wrong?
Nothing's of matter.
Actually,
It is the fact
that there's nothing that matters.
I don't want to blog anymore.
I am sick of repeating it.
My sorrows.
Unable to attain something more.
Stuck here in this bottle.
Living life in this monotonous cycle.
I love what I now own,
but my heart yearn for something more.
It is like having three meals daily,
but all without dessert.
Surely it's not too much
to ask for an occasional treat?
Once I thought
what I wished for is unattainable.
But every wish I make
it was granted to people all around but me.
While I wept alone,
I thought of the girl who ran from us
to cry in solace.
It must be pretty nice to be his damsel in distress.
But wasn't I the one who made the wish?
The One Above Fate decreed
that I should be contented with what I have.
But what do I do when Fate
being a bully
snatches things out of my hands?
Things that I gasped in my hand
vanished without a trace.
And I was just there
when nothing happened.
The next moment,
someone retraced my steps
and got all I wished for.
I don't yearn anymore.
I don't hope anymore.
I'm too scared to dream anymore.
One fantasy is lethal.
For the next second when it happens
in reality,
the girl won't be me.
Too much.
I can't take it anymore.
It's Fate's taunting game.
One that it refuses to stop.
Take things away from me.
Give it to others.
Rub it on my face.
There's no need for answers
or solution.
For the One Above Fate has decreed
that my future will stay bleak as ever.
Before I destroyed Her messenger,
before She refuses to say anymore.
I don't dare to think about you,
my imaginary love.
For I fear the next time
when I finally found you
your heart had been given away.
Love is not all that I wished for.
I wish for my best in everything.
To be a better person,
for you,
for me,
for everyone else who loves me.
Once I was stronger,
I didn't need you.
But that was when life
proved everything that I was worth.
Please, stop this game.
As I lumbered along the road,
I let out a whimper,
a whisper of the screaming in my heart.
with the gloom of a foreboding rain.
There's a slight grief
that brushed against my heart.
And before I could hear raindrops platter
there were tears flowing from my eyes.
What's wrong?
Nothing's of matter.
Actually,
It is the fact
that there's nothing that matters.
I don't want to blog anymore.
I am sick of repeating it.
My sorrows.
Unable to attain something more.
Stuck here in this bottle.
Living life in this monotonous cycle.
I love what I now own,
but my heart yearn for something more.
It is like having three meals daily,
but all without dessert.
Surely it's not too much
to ask for an occasional treat?
Once I thought
what I wished for is unattainable.
But every wish I make
it was granted to people all around but me.
While I wept alone,
I thought of the girl who ran from us
to cry in solace.
It must be pretty nice to be his damsel in distress.
But wasn't I the one who made the wish?
The One Above Fate decreed
that I should be contented with what I have.
But what do I do when Fate
being a bully
snatches things out of my hands?
Things that I gasped in my hand
vanished without a trace.
And I was just there
when nothing happened.
The next moment,
someone retraced my steps
and got all I wished for.
I don't yearn anymore.
I don't hope anymore.
I'm too scared to dream anymore.
One fantasy is lethal.
For the next second when it happens
in reality,
the girl won't be me.
Too much.
I can't take it anymore.
It's Fate's taunting game.
One that it refuses to stop.
Take things away from me.
Give it to others.
Rub it on my face.
There's no need for answers
or solution.
For the One Above Fate has decreed
that my future will stay bleak as ever.
Before I destroyed Her messenger,
before She refuses to say anymore.
I don't dare to think about you,
my imaginary love.
For I fear the next time
when I finally found you
your heart had been given away.
Love is not all that I wished for.
I wish for my best in everything.
To be a better person,
for you,
for me,
for everyone else who loves me.
Once I was stronger,
I didn't need you.
But that was when life
proved everything that I was worth.
Please, stop this game.
As I lumbered along the road,
I let out a whimper,
a whisper of the screaming in my heart.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Imaginary Life
A commitment is a constrain.
it weigh you down like an iron chain.
Another shackle clasped on my feet,
another step slower than you,
my sweet.
An awkward venture
to a grey area that does not fit.
Along my path to you,
stood lamp posts that were not lit.
Groping in the midst of the murky mist,
their and our mindsets do not fit.
When can I accomplish this impossible feat?
After all this search,
would we eventually meet?
----------------------------------------------
I long for the day
when I need not speak in jargon.
There's no need for change
when the jargon itself
becomes a jargon no more.
Then we can take a nap on the bus,
and have a fluffy after that.
Life is boring,
so hasten up.
And save me from this fire
that I dared to play with.
it weigh you down like an iron chain.
Another shackle clasped on my feet,
another step slower than you,
my sweet.
An awkward venture
to a grey area that does not fit.
Along my path to you,
stood lamp posts that were not lit.
Groping in the midst of the murky mist,
their and our mindsets do not fit.
When can I accomplish this impossible feat?
After all this search,
would we eventually meet?
----------------------------------------------
I long for the day
when I need not speak in jargon.
There's no need for change
when the jargon itself
becomes a jargon no more.
Then we can take a nap on the bus,
and have a fluffy after that.
Life is boring,
so hasten up.
And save me from this fire
that I dared to play with.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Dispensing With the Jargon
Thus, here's a little more conundrum:
(It's self contradictory, but I couldn't resist xP)
The tears I shed,
were not only for the broken string of beads,
but also the pain that was inflicted,
upon the torn soul that the phantom left for me.
The torn soul
that was marred with scars
long before he came.
Wounds upon wounds
upon wounds.
Hopes after hopes
after hopes,
for wounds caused by hopes to heal.
P.S. Pardon my grammatical errors. >.<
Friday, May 30, 2008
A Good Thing In Life
"Not a red rose or a satin heart.
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.
Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.
I am trying to be truthful.
Not a cute card or a kissogram.
I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.
Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife."
-------
A poem on onions and love.
An epitome of how understated true love is.
It's not my work.
But it's the few of the good things left in life
that I can appreciate.
My heart now anticipates like many times before.
Who would have the eyes for such a miserable creature like me?
If you really come for me,
would you take my heart that's marred with scars?
A figure neither beautiful,
nor a voice that rings like bells in the wind.
Why would you kiss a mouth,
that's as foul as death pit?
What would make you tenderly soothe your fingers through my hair,
What would spur you to grab my hand and hold me close?
If you really come for me,
would you write poems of my sorrows,
pledges of care for me?
A soul that's neither contented,
nor a spirit that soars to the sky.
Why would you whisper verbal endearments into a ear,
that's deafened by the long silence in her mind?
What would make you play the piano,
What would make you sing our duet?
If you really come for me,
would you stay beside my casket to weep for me?
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.
Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.
I am trying to be truthful.
Not a cute card or a kissogram.
I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.
Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife."
-------
A poem on onions and love.
An epitome of how understated true love is.
It's not my work.
But it's the few of the good things left in life
that I can appreciate.
My heart now anticipates like many times before.
Who would have the eyes for such a miserable creature like me?
If you really come for me,
would you take my heart that's marred with scars?
A figure neither beautiful,
nor a voice that rings like bells in the wind.
Why would you kiss a mouth,
that's as foul as death pit?
What would make you tenderly soothe your fingers through my hair,
What would spur you to grab my hand and hold me close?
If you really come for me,
would you write poems of my sorrows,
pledges of care for me?
A soul that's neither contented,
nor a spirit that soars to the sky.
Why would you whisper verbal endearments into a ear,
that's deafened by the long silence in her mind?
What would make you play the piano,
What would make you sing our duet?
If you really come for me,
would you stay beside my casket to weep for me?
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Love for My Phantom
Can't you see,
my love?
I have always braved the shadows
to look for you.
I know you longed for light,
so I have always brought you
glows of hope.
But my beloved,
while I quench your thirst for light,
do you quench mine for your love?
I am the bearer of light to your life,
but darling,
you care only the light I brought forth.
Many a times I was told to leave you alone,
to mellow in angst,
and die of despair.
But everytime I walked pass a shadow,
it pains me that you're suffering inside.
My dear phantom,
even the angel dims in comparison to you.
A perfect being such as He,
doesn't lovingly bathes me in anguish
like you do.
Oh,
my dear phantom,
perhaps it's time
to stick a dagger in your heart.
With the hurt you'll feel
that lasts only for a second,
perhaps it will stop
the hurt I feel because of you.
my love?
I have always braved the shadows
to look for you.
I know you longed for light,
so I have always brought you
glows of hope.
But my beloved,
while I quench your thirst for light,
do you quench mine for your love?
I am the bearer of light to your life,
but darling,
you care only the light I brought forth.
Many a times I was told to leave you alone,
to mellow in angst,
and die of despair.
But everytime I walked pass a shadow,
it pains me that you're suffering inside.
My dear phantom,
even the angel dims in comparison to you.
A perfect being such as He,
doesn't lovingly bathes me in anguish
like you do.
Oh,
my dear phantom,
perhaps it's time
to stick a dagger in your heart.
With the hurt you'll feel
that lasts only for a second,
perhaps it will stop
the hurt I feel because of you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Equilibrium
At the edge of the cliff,
the angel spread his massive wings
ready to take flight to the heavens above.
Upon his flight
he still wore that smile---
a symmetrical curl of lips.
The lips that a mere mortal woman like me could not deny,
that there was at least once I was tempted to kiss.
But I loathed him.
Surely there's some unspeakable scum beneath what he seems to be?
A green eye monster she must be,
to tear apart such a beautiful being.
But contrary to the hissing rumours,
I tear apart too, a phantom that dwells in his realm of shadows.
To seek an angelic smile upon his face that's shrouded beneath his hood.
In the position of where I lay,
between a fleeing angel and a phantom enraged,
my puddle of tears reflected my face.
Sunken the eyes were,
cast in shadows like the phantom.
I could barely recall the angelic smile on my very own face.
I withdrew my angst,
and got up on my feet.
It was only today,
where I've got to see myself again
did I realised that---
I was broken inside,
only because I failed to mend it.
For hating all whom I loved and never loved me,
I too, had never loved myself.
the angel spread his massive wings
ready to take flight to the heavens above.
Upon his flight
he still wore that smile---
a symmetrical curl of lips.
The lips that a mere mortal woman like me could not deny,
that there was at least once I was tempted to kiss.
But I loathed him.
Surely there's some unspeakable scum beneath what he seems to be?
A green eye monster she must be,
to tear apart such a beautiful being.
But contrary to the hissing rumours,
I tear apart too, a phantom that dwells in his realm of shadows.
To seek an angelic smile upon his face that's shrouded beneath his hood.
In the position of where I lay,
between a fleeing angel and a phantom enraged,
my puddle of tears reflected my face.
Sunken the eyes were,
cast in shadows like the phantom.
I could barely recall the angelic smile on my very own face.
I withdrew my angst,
and got up on my feet.
It was only today,
where I've got to see myself again
did I realised that---
I was broken inside,
only because I failed to mend it.
For hating all whom I loved and never loved me,
I too, had never loved myself.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Fate's Forgery
The girl carefully thread her way through the uneven paths.
But she could never be careful enough.
Fate still robbed away the things she loved.
Flowers entwined form the most beautiful picture.
Yet, in too tight of an embrace they would just strangle each other.
It doesn't take just a day to find nothing belongs to you.
The flowers wither as the weed creeps up to a new flower.
The forest remains ever changing.
But no matter how much it changes, the girl would remain a stranger amongst these trees.
Her heart should have stopped beating five years ago.
Now that she had failed,
she shall suffer the anguish of lonliness she had failed to escape from.
The bunny rag doll drops at her feet.
One would never doubt something that is truely hers.
She picks it up.
It's back to square one.
Perhaps it's time to make an escape again.
But she could never be careful enough.
Fate still robbed away the things she loved.
Flowers entwined form the most beautiful picture.
Yet, in too tight of an embrace they would just strangle each other.
It doesn't take just a day to find nothing belongs to you.
The flowers wither as the weed creeps up to a new flower.
The forest remains ever changing.
But no matter how much it changes, the girl would remain a stranger amongst these trees.
Her heart should have stopped beating five years ago.
Now that she had failed,
she shall suffer the anguish of lonliness she had failed to escape from.
The bunny rag doll drops at her feet.
One would never doubt something that is truely hers.
She picks it up.
It's back to square one.
Perhaps it's time to make an escape again.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Closer
Lumbering with fatigue,
the girl finally reaches the other end of the woods.
As the flock of birds futtered pass her,
her tired eyes widened at the sight before her.
Flowers.
They spread across the field, swaying gently along the breeze, basking under the warmth of the sunshine.
The sunlight reached to her like open arms of an embrace.
It stroked her cheeks and ruffled her hair,
and before she knew it,
she felt tears flowing from her eyes.
Her heart of tears has melted.
and a new heart of flesh pumps blood in her veins.
She let out a laugh,
that was fuelled by joy.
She stretched out her arms with ecstasy,
her fingertips brushing the feathers of the passing birds.
She sprinted into the sea of flowers,
and had her fill of flower scent.
Her ivory flock was stained with the work of mischief,
with colours of berries and streaks of mud.
At dusk, she plopped down amongst the flowers with a contented smile.
The birds chirped goodbye,
while the flowers stayed close to her as night arrives.
She shut her eyes firmly,
without the fear of a dreamless sleep.
For the flower she seeks is closer than ever.
the girl finally reaches the other end of the woods.
As the flock of birds futtered pass her,
her tired eyes widened at the sight before her.
Flowers.
They spread across the field, swaying gently along the breeze, basking under the warmth of the sunshine.
The sunlight reached to her like open arms of an embrace.
It stroked her cheeks and ruffled her hair,
and before she knew it,
she felt tears flowing from her eyes.
Her heart of tears has melted.
and a new heart of flesh pumps blood in her veins.
She let out a laugh,
that was fuelled by joy.
She stretched out her arms with ecstasy,
her fingertips brushing the feathers of the passing birds.
She sprinted into the sea of flowers,
and had her fill of flower scent.
Her ivory flock was stained with the work of mischief,
with colours of berries and streaks of mud.
At dusk, she plopped down amongst the flowers with a contented smile.
The birds chirped goodbye,
while the flowers stayed close to her as night arrives.
She shut her eyes firmly,
without the fear of a dreamless sleep.
For the flower she seeks is closer than ever.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Bye, Bunny.
Numb with cold, she followed the tracks into the woods.
Draped in pristine white, she sat on rock and stared blankly overhead.
The forest ground, gleamed with green.
Everything is full of gist.
If she was her, her heart would had throb with anticipation.
But as her mind whirred, she had to shut her eyes.
All these things were too much to proccess all at once.
There's a mistaken caterpillar curling on her painted green nail.
She brought her hand to her chest and felt a constant rhythm under her skin.
A smile then stretched across her lips.
Her mind had told her it was the right thing to do at the moment.
She hadn't felt anything.
For her heart is no longer where she had placed her hand.
It had been stolen by a phantom, whom she used to peer into the shadows to spy on.
She had crafted a mask and slid it on his face.
So in her eyes, he always smiling.
So it seemed that he always looked at her with amorous eyes.
But that was in the past.
And what beat in place of the heart of flesh, was a heart made of crystals of solidified tears.
It doesn't generate hopes.
And neither can it feel strongly.
A seeping sense of loneliness is easily banished by her mind.
Now, she only does what her mind deemed right.
Which was why she dropped her bunny rag doll amongst some weeds.
Even if it was the only thing she had that defines who she is.
It was her weakness, said her mind.
The doll would hinder her with the past.
She walked briskly from the abandoned cloth bunny towards a flock of birds.
Of course, she can't fly.
When they soar, she will sit here, under the tree, and close her eyes.
And dream of a flower that she will never come by.
Her bunny doll would make her search for the flower.
But, No, says her mind.
Dreaming about it would be enough.
It's like, there's no need for the phantom and his cloak to keep her warm when there's sunlight.
Now, it is just the break of dawn.
A long winding journey forebodes ahead.
But she is already exhausted.
Draped in pristine white, she sat on rock and stared blankly overhead.
The forest ground, gleamed with green.
Everything is full of gist.
If she was her, her heart would had throb with anticipation.
But as her mind whirred, she had to shut her eyes.
All these things were too much to proccess all at once.
There's a mistaken caterpillar curling on her painted green nail.
She brought her hand to her chest and felt a constant rhythm under her skin.
A smile then stretched across her lips.
Her mind had told her it was the right thing to do at the moment.
She hadn't felt anything.
For her heart is no longer where she had placed her hand.
It had been stolen by a phantom, whom she used to peer into the shadows to spy on.
She had crafted a mask and slid it on his face.
So in her eyes, he always smiling.
So it seemed that he always looked at her with amorous eyes.
But that was in the past.
And what beat in place of the heart of flesh, was a heart made of crystals of solidified tears.
It doesn't generate hopes.
And neither can it feel strongly.
A seeping sense of loneliness is easily banished by her mind.
Now, she only does what her mind deemed right.
Which was why she dropped her bunny rag doll amongst some weeds.
Even if it was the only thing she had that defines who she is.
It was her weakness, said her mind.
The doll would hinder her with the past.
She walked briskly from the abandoned cloth bunny towards a flock of birds.
Of course, she can't fly.
When they soar, she will sit here, under the tree, and close her eyes.
And dream of a flower that she will never come by.
Her bunny doll would make her search for the flower.
But, No, says her mind.
Dreaming about it would be enough.
It's like, there's no need for the phantom and his cloak to keep her warm when there's sunlight.
Now, it is just the break of dawn.
A long winding journey forebodes ahead.
But she is already exhausted.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
The Filler
The last few days before school starts.
Standing on the platform waiting for the oncoming train,
my memories are folded and tucked at the back of my mind like packed luggage.
Feeling the bliss that caress me like gentle breeze blowing through my hair.
Subtly, the train will reach this stop.
But there's still time to reminisce.
Imperata cylindrica is tall and thin, but it can't fly with the wind.
A mistake or a lie, it doesn't matter.
Now its overlooked.
There's much more of its kind.
But here's a salute to it.
Veined with iron it is, it's an attribute of the commander it self-proclaimed to be.
It was, afterall, a more favoured weed.
It's time for me to slip this piece of memory back into my bag.
Instead, I look forward to where the train will head.
Over the hills, through the meadows.
Passing the weeds.
But at least,
there will be flowers too.
At this very instance, another train sped onto the track that I just came from.
But there's no going back for me now.
For I only hold onto an one way ticket.
That's life.
Standing on the platform waiting for the oncoming train,
my memories are folded and tucked at the back of my mind like packed luggage.
Feeling the bliss that caress me like gentle breeze blowing through my hair.
Subtly, the train will reach this stop.
But there's still time to reminisce.
Imperata cylindrica is tall and thin, but it can't fly with the wind.
A mistake or a lie, it doesn't matter.
Now its overlooked.
There's much more of its kind.
But here's a salute to it.
Veined with iron it is, it's an attribute of the commander it self-proclaimed to be.
It was, afterall, a more favoured weed.
It's time for me to slip this piece of memory back into my bag.
Instead, I look forward to where the train will head.
Over the hills, through the meadows.
Passing the weeds.
But at least,
there will be flowers too.
At this very instance, another train sped onto the track that I just came from.
But there's no going back for me now.
For I only hold onto an one way ticket.
That's life.
Monday, March 31, 2008
A Mystery.
Do you see what's happening?
Everytime I moved on, I always go back to where I'm from.
Everything seemed like fairytale to me.
It can misplaced and forgotten.
But the book that was read to put me to sleep is still there.
And it has became a habit to read it before I can sleep.
It has become an essential, so I can see his face in my dreams.
It's evident.
I'm moving on, but ever so barely toeing the past.
He is like the prince charming in those stories.
He was real, but now he's not.
I can see him far away in my dreams, but never so near in reality.
I assure you, you are free.
But your name and your face is still etched deeply in me.
You can shout theft or burglary.
But I'm still using them for my fantasies.
The word 'You' now is undefined.
Like how perfect should the prince in those tales should be.
"I still hopes for you."
"I missed you so."
"I think about you all the time."
Who or what exactly are you?
Are you a dream, a fantasy or once a reality?
Are you really my dreams came true?
Or I made you to be what you be?
Then why is my pain so real?
If all the sweetness are a facade?
Well, it wouldn't be so bad even just a little of it is as factual as history.
So at least, all these while, I was upset for something real.
Am I really crazy, like what everyone said?
Harping on all these things that only happened in my brain?
Or you actually came to me before, it was just that you left really quick?
Now, all these memories in my mind.
How much of them are true?
I am so frightened.
If you never existed, then...
Everytime I moved on, I always go back to where I'm from.
Everything seemed like fairytale to me.
It can misplaced and forgotten.
But the book that was read to put me to sleep is still there.
And it has became a habit to read it before I can sleep.
It has become an essential, so I can see his face in my dreams.
It's evident.
I'm moving on, but ever so barely toeing the past.
He is like the prince charming in those stories.
He was real, but now he's not.
I can see him far away in my dreams, but never so near in reality.
I assure you, you are free.
But your name and your face is still etched deeply in me.
You can shout theft or burglary.
But I'm still using them for my fantasies.
The word 'You' now is undefined.
Like how perfect should the prince in those tales should be.
"I still hopes for you."
"I missed you so."
"I think about you all the time."
Who or what exactly are you?
Are you a dream, a fantasy or once a reality?
Are you really my dreams came true?
Or I made you to be what you be?
Then why is my pain so real?
If all the sweetness are a facade?
Well, it wouldn't be so bad even just a little of it is as factual as history.
So at least, all these while, I was upset for something real.
Am I really crazy, like what everyone said?
Harping on all these things that only happened in my brain?
Or you actually came to me before, it was just that you left really quick?
Now, all these memories in my mind.
How much of them are true?
I am so frightened.
If you never existed, then...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Present, with Past.
"I'm quite surprised, he could actually remember everything we said."
"He said, 'why not come beside me, so we can take a photo together?'"
"Well, we kissed on the beach."
"He liked me for three years."
"She was in the cinema, when she drank from the wrong cup. The guy said, 'hey, that mine." At the next moment he had his arms around her shoulder."
"Today is our 10 month anniversary."
The stories that I was told.
I want to write something similar in our story too.
But is there even a page two?
By bleak look of things, I doubt it's even possible.
That euphoric forest I saw, is now barren.
But from there, I had learnt that some things in the present doesn't exist without certain things in the past.
Which is why I didn't brave through the pain of severing ties.
So I planted a new seed of memory.
The barren land will flourish again.
Even it will never be the way it looked, but it will be beautiful again.
I left my heart beside the planted seed, exactly where you once touched it long ago.
Love is now stored at the back of my mind.
Like the hopes I had and still have for you.
"He said, 'why not come beside me, so we can take a photo together?'"
"Well, we kissed on the beach."
"He liked me for three years."
"She was in the cinema, when she drank from the wrong cup. The guy said, 'hey, that mine." At the next moment he had his arms around her shoulder."
"Today is our 10 month anniversary."
The stories that I was told.
I want to write something similar in our story too.
But is there even a page two?
By bleak look of things, I doubt it's even possible.
That euphoric forest I saw, is now barren.
But from there, I had learnt that some things in the present doesn't exist without certain things in the past.
Which is why I didn't brave through the pain of severing ties.
So I planted a new seed of memory.
The barren land will flourish again.
Even it will never be the way it looked, but it will be beautiful again.
I left my heart beside the planted seed, exactly where you once touched it long ago.
Love is now stored at the back of my mind.
Like the hopes I had and still have for you.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Making sense.
Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
Song Tattoo by Jordin Sparks.
Right now it's all about Dancing and Eating. Dancing and Eating.
Eh, so what happened to Dr. Love?
Well, she wouldn't be back for a long time.
While she's gone, others will take over.
Bless you, for having to suffer.
For having to go through the drugery of being Dr. Love.
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
Song Tattoo by Jordin Sparks.
Right now it's all about Dancing and Eating. Dancing and Eating.
Eh, so what happened to Dr. Love?
Well, she wouldn't be back for a long time.
While she's gone, others will take over.
Bless you, for having to suffer.
For having to go through the drugery of being Dr. Love.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Loved and Still Loving
We were walking down the road,
in a place that seems to be a collage of real-life Singapore.
I had arms twined around your arm.
And in a moment of bliss,
I dared to bury my face into your chest.
I smelt a faint cologne that I know you will never wear.
You smiled at this little act of atrocity.
And with the strength of the arm that I clung to,
you got me off my feet.
I hugged on tightly,
laughing and marvelling as my toes skimmed the floor.
You were laughing and smiling at me;
just like the way I always wanted you to.
At the end of the road,
reality then set in.
Your hands cupped mine in a hesitant attempt to prise them off your arm.
But that moment of bliss was all I ever wanted.
So with just tinge of sorrow that it's over so soon,
I let go.
There wasn't physical closeness anymore.
But we went further down the road as each other's closest friend.
-----------------------------------------------
Funny what kind of dreams afternoon naps bring.
Haha.
When reality is infused even to your dreams,
you know that your heart has pretty much accepted the facts.
12 days.
1 last day of drowning in sorrow.
4 days to join the vibe of solid reality.
Met new friends.
Revealing the mask that fantasy had painted on an old friend.
Drawing a full circle to what has always been an incomplete saga.
3 days to share around the last of my sorrow and pain.
The people that had been listening,
had the obligation to know.
On D-day,
I've got it all down.
and were closer than ever.
Today, at 4 in the morning,
I told the story in a whole new way.
I had loved.
And am getting ready to love again.
in a place that seems to be a collage of real-life Singapore.
I had arms twined around your arm.
And in a moment of bliss,
I dared to bury my face into your chest.
I smelt a faint cologne that I know you will never wear.
You smiled at this little act of atrocity.
And with the strength of the arm that I clung to,
you got me off my feet.
I hugged on tightly,
laughing and marvelling as my toes skimmed the floor.
You were laughing and smiling at me;
just like the way I always wanted you to.
At the end of the road,
reality then set in.
Your hands cupped mine in a hesitant attempt to prise them off your arm.
But that moment of bliss was all I ever wanted.
So with just tinge of sorrow that it's over so soon,
I let go.
There wasn't physical closeness anymore.
But we went further down the road as each other's closest friend.
-----------------------------------------------
Funny what kind of dreams afternoon naps bring.
Haha.
When reality is infused even to your dreams,
you know that your heart has pretty much accepted the facts.
12 days.
1 last day of drowning in sorrow.
4 days to join the vibe of solid reality.
Met new friends.
Revealing the mask that fantasy had painted on an old friend.
Drawing a full circle to what has always been an incomplete saga.
3 days to share around the last of my sorrow and pain.
The people that had been listening,
had the obligation to know.
On D-day,
I've got it all down.
and were closer than ever.
Today, at 4 in the morning,
I told the story in a whole new way.
I had loved.
And am getting ready to love again.
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